It sucks to be rejected. But it sucks even more to watch a crush fall for someone else, before you feel like you have a solid friendship, post-relationship clarification. And when you already know and love that someone else as a dear friend, there is not even the chance of
consoling yourself redirecting your pain by hating them.
And when you’re a positive thinker with powerful intuition that tells you the person with the amazing energy that you have fallen for is important in your life, you can’t write them off and label them an idiot for not falling for you right back. You just have to feel the pain.
Deep spiritual connection. Check.
Common values. Check.
Super fun to be around. Check.
Beautiful person. Check.
Thinks you’re completely awesome. Check.
Wants to kiss you and spend all kinds of time with you…..damn.
What is this chemistry that somehow doesn’t hit the mark? I was talking to a friend recently about soul mates, and we revisited the idea that we have many soul mates. People we are meant to learn from, support and be supported by, be challenged by, and just click with. When that person is of the gender you’re not attracted to, it’s pretty easy to accept the relationship however it looks. You become fast friends and get down to the business of being good friends.
But when they are of the gender you are attracted to, and you’re single, and you’re longing for intimacy and connection and romance, a whole new element gets thrown in the mix. How do you know whether you have found a fast friend or the love of your life?
I don’t have an answer for this one. At least not a painless one. You just have to say or do something to find out. And you have to risk getting hurt. Love takes real courage, no matter how you cut it. There will be misunderstanding and conflict whether it works out this time or not.
I suppose the first step is understanding that assigning a destination for your feelings never helps anything.
And how, if you find out the object of your affection isn’t thinking of keeping you warm at night, do you reconcile your feelings that feel like they belong in the romance box?
I think this is the part where you truly find out how much you love yourself. You find out how strong your purpose is, whether or not you know what it is.
When you know you have to go on because you have something important to do.
When you start thinking about how unimaginably great the next possibility is likely to be.
That’s when you know that the foundation work you’ve been doing is solid. The voices that used to tell you there was something wrong with you are quieter. Your confidence to ride out the pain and…yes, I’m going to say it…learn something about yourself from it, is stronger.
What have I learned about myself this go around?
I think the main thing is how important love is in my life. I used to lock myself in a tower of busyness and “I gotta” and “shoulds”. It was built on bricks of things that are “more important” than my personal love life. It was also built on thinking I needed to be strong when I really just wanted to cry out my loneliness. It was built on a belief that I can’t have the kind of love I want in my life. And Rapunzel is the part of me that just wants to hold hands and gaze into the eyes of my soul mate. The part of me that the Witch visits from time to time, to make sure she’s ok, but doesn’t let out into the world to sing. She’s the same part who goes on adventures and takes risks when given the chance. And she’s the part who understands what to say when someone else is hurting.
For all the Rapunzels out there, knowing they have some important impact to make on the world, whether that’s with your heart or with your gifts (I know, I know, same thing) I invite you to be brave and get out of your tower.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. Because it’s time for you to get out of that damn tower and share your beautiful heart with the world.